I don't have children over (or even close to) 18, but I did teach high school seniors for many years, and, unfortunately I think the best you can do is communicate your concerns and high expectations of him, let them know the many risks that are involved, and then encourage them to use good birth control. Most 18-year-olds are so intoxicated with the idea of "finally being an adult" that they are incredibly determined to make their own decisions, whether or not -- unfortunately even sometimes BECAUSE -- their decisions will disappoint their parents.
I know this doesn't make it any easier, but it's pretty rare for a couple -- once they're sexually active -- to just "give it up" altogether.
Oh, and, on a lighter note, you could have him spend a day with my two-year-old. That might make him swear off sex forever!
I'll take that offer!! :) He's watching my family's reaction over my niece's "oops" right now - she's 26 and knows better, but her issue is the "dad" is basically a one-night stand (except he just keeps coming back just for sex, he doesn't want a relationship). So I'm hoping that my son is taking good notes on how I'm responding to this. (which isn't good). I guess I just have to pray that I taught him right and to have respect for her, which includes not getting her pregnant.
You are absolutely right about them being "intoxicated" with being 18 and they don't have to listen to anyone anymore. Thanks for your perspective on this. :) Krispy - Football Mom!!
Its very hard to be a parent to kids this age. We just gave our 17 yr old son condoms and told him that we'd rather he not need to use them but if he chose to be sexually active to protect himself and his future. We too had a young teenage pregnancy in the family and hope that kids see it only takes once and it can really crush some dreams and goals. We try to talk as much as possible without getting them embarrassed. Good luck!
just on the other side of the coin.. i got pregnant young and i honestly think it turned my life for the better. of course it changed my "plan" but then i realized you can't plan everything and even if you could, you can't always plan for the better.
if he is christian, have a biblical talk with him. the bible's "punishment" for premarital sex is marriage.
you could also encourage her to talk to planned parenthood about getting free condoms and i think they give out free or cheap birth control?
ask him if she is on birth control. tell him you don't support the dcision to have sex but if they are going to then they should be safe about it.
good luck :).
I am only 25, and my kids are very young, so my advice may or may not be welcome. First, i want to tell you I remember when I told my mom I "did it" for the first time. I was 17, and the guy turned out to actually be a pretty decent person. Anyway. Mom sat right down and cried! Like sobbed and the whole shebang. That made a huge impression on me, and i have always tried to be "careful"(of course now I am married w/kids, so life's a bit different) Try to get to know this girl, you know, ask her how things are and all that without being judgemental. You never know, she may be a future DIL, and what better way to have a good relationship with her AND your son by bein the one person who is "there". Not saying you have to like what is going on! No one agrees with everyone all of the time, and as you said, they haven't known eachother for long...but find out who she is. And if you don't have much opportunity, ask your son. Great topics? Music interest, what is she doing after high school, what does she do as a hobby...would she like to join us for our 4th of july picnic, potluck, that sort of stuff. If you know, an unplanned pregnancy does come up, you wouldn't want your son or his girlfriend to feel they had to hide from you. And be happy he waited this long to be with someone that way! kids are starting younger now than even when i was in high school, and I felt awful when I "ahem" started at 17! Now that is considered old.
~Start with doing what's necessary, then what is possible, and soon you will find you are doing the impossible!
I completely 100% agree with you! My boyfriend and I were only together 4 months before I got pregnant...We actually moved out to Sioux Falls less then a month before that so I could go to school. It didn't ruin my future, yes it put my plans on hold but I'm not going to let it get in the way of anything I wanted to do, it's just going to make me stronger and push me to do what I had planned on doing. I wish my boyfriend's Mom would have gotten to know me so that it would have made things better. Instead she just went right to the negative side and had to completely degrade me and treat me like crap. Everything happens for a reason and you just have to make the best of it. I don't really know that there is anything you an do, teenagers do what they want and if parents try to tell them not to, it makes them want to that much more. So I don't have any advice for you as i'm not in your situatuion, but these are my experiences from it.
Im a lucky one and I can talk to my mom about anything. Im very near 18 and we talked about 'how to be safe'. I was actually put on birth control before I was considered 'sexually active' due to female problems, but it did come in handy.
And I hate to bring it as a shock to you but if you had a fourteen year old she/he MIGHT be in that same situation. I work at a grocery store and I cannot count how many people I see coming in that I know are my age or younger and are buying condoms. But that leaves the rest of them who are too scared to actually go and buy condoms. I've always thought about it this way, if you can't go out and get yourself on birth control or atleast be safe in SOMEWAY, you obviously arent comfortable enough with either yourself or the other to be engaging in sex. Just my opinion!
Now I wouldnt tell you to offer to take him condom shopping but subtle hints wouldnt hurt?
I guess I'm teaching my children that sex isn't a recreational sport....female problems or not. I'm teaching my children that sex comes with deep caring/love/respect for the other person - which I can plainly see in my 18 year old. I have had a discussion with them both (my son & his girlfriend) and precautions are in place. After talking with them, I feel better about the whole situation. But I appreciate all of your responses. Krispy - Football Mom!!
I agree that sex is taking very casually now a days! Of course i probably took it that way when i was young also!!! But on a side note have you all heard the new thing to do is the kids are meeting at the mall and having sex in the family bathrooms, oh how romantic!!!!
I was talking to a young married couple last weekend. They are a very active couple in our church. Both are in their early 20's and they have been married a couple of years now. They told me that they met in college in Oklahoma, his family lived here in SD. I happen to know his mother very well, and deeply respect her. So this young couple decided to get married before his family had even had the chance to meet her. So his parents flew the couple up to SD, to get to know their future DIL. I asked her how it was to have my friend for a mil, how the first meeting went. He was the one who responded. "She loved you the moment I told her about you honey. My mother trusts me, and greatly respects my decisions." He said that with great confidence. They are a neat couple. I have heard his mother speak highly of her dil. I was really struck though as a mother, that her son was so confident in his mother's trust. I hope that I can be the same with my own children. I know that your sit. is different, but what can you do? You have worked hard to instill your values in your children, now they get to paint their own pictures. Good luck with your son, I know that is is not easy and there are no pat answers that will really help.
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I know I'm one of the older moms on this site, but I've got a dilemma . My oldest son is 18 and so is his girlfriend - so by law they are adults. However I just found out that they are sleeping together, which comes as somewhat of a shock as you always want to keep your children small. I've always been an open-minded mom and have taught my children they can bring anything to me. Honestly I didn't wait until I was married, but I did wait until I knew I was going to marry that man. These two kids have been dating since February and now 4 months later are in the sack. They are both going to college and have wonderful futures ahead of them. There just isn't room for an unwanted pregnancy right now. Does anybody have any experience in this and how did you handle it??