I don't have any great advice on this one, as I am experiencing some of it myself, but I do know that my 7th grader who has always been nothing but a straight-A student has had some issues with letting things go without being turned in, etc. this year, and I have struggled with it. She has let some A's turn into B's, and I don't care so much about that, except that she isn't doing her best, and that has always been what I have asked of my kids. I have found that the only thing that I have done that has seemed to turn it around is to make sure I am taking the time to spend one-on-one with her to just hang out and talk and do something she enjoys. I think middle school is just such a HUGE transition time full of social, emotional, and hormonal changes, as well as super-busy schedules and increased responsibility that kids sometimes just get lost in all of it. I know boys are different than girls, and talking isn't going to be a big draw for your son, but since guys are "shoulder to shoulder" beings, does your husband get any chances to spend with your son doing something he likes to do? It gets so hard with our busy lives to find time for things sometime, but maybe it would help if they took a day and did something together? Maybe they already do this...other people are probably better at making sure they do than we are. Just a thought.
Have you had any success w/your middle schoolers? My nephew is a 7th grader in Brandon and would always say he did his homework in study hall. He got As on tests but his grades went down the drain because of the missing assignments.
The frustrating part is he isn't in any sports/activities to pull him from.
I'm very disappointed my sister looked up his missing assignments online & had him finish the work he could still get credit for. I asked my nephew if the teachers took the time to make the assignments, why shouldn't he have to take the time to do the work & he only shrugged his shoulders.
It used to be I didn't have the right to interject because I didn't have kids but if I can get my 21-month old to pick up her toys & put her dirty clothes in the basket, I think I can expect a 13yr old to do an assignment.
I'm open to any suggestions short of Sylvan-I've tried that route & they're $37/hr(they even have a student loan program!). That's a lot of money to have someone check his homework. I told my sister to start showing up @the school for locker cleaning again & if it embarasses him, good-maybe he'll quit giving her reason to show up!
-Thanks.
Wow! Sylvan is 37 dollars an hour??? Perhaps I should get into tutoring!! I've got the credentials and experience, and I wouldn't charge NEAR that much . . . That's crazy, in my humble opinion.
As for the "locker cleaning" suggestion, perhaps you were joking, but when I was teaching high school kids that technique actually worked pretty well. Lots of kids that age do NOT like to admit they even HAVE parents (even though they need SO MUCH for parents to be involved in their lives), much less parents that are involved enough to actually show up on a regular school day just to check up on them! I even had one parent of a student who was getting a little lax about turning in work, who showed up every day for a week at the end of school, and escorted the kid around to every teacher's room to make sure he had his assignments for the next day. At the end of the week, he told the kid that if he stopped turning his work in, they would do it all over again. That kid turned every assignment from me in on time for the rest of the year! It was great!
Another funny story of "parental embarassment". We had a student once (well, we actually had several who did this, but that's another thread . . .) who liked to be a little "too" affectionate with his girlfriend in the hallways. Between class make out sessions, hands in not-so-publicly-appropriate places as they walked down the halls, lots of PDA. Anyway, he had been "written up" for it a few different times, when finally the principal called home and explained the situation to his mom. The principal tried to be as diplomatic as possible, but she did tell mom that if he got "written up" another time, school policy stated that they had to suspend him. Mom decided to take matters into her own hands. She drove the kid to school every morning for a week, and made the kid walk across the commons area (a before school hang out for lots of kids) HOLDING HER HAND!!! He was mortified, and she just told him "That's how people feel when they see you making out with your girlfriend in the hallways!" She told him, too, that if she ever got another call about it again, she would do the hand-holding or worse! Let's just say this kid's relationship with his girlfriend cooled off A LOT after that!
They were unorthodox parenting methods, to be sure. But they worked wonders in these two cases! As strange as it may seem, even though they would never admit it, I think, deep down, these kids knew they had parents that loved them A LOT since they would take so much time out of their busy day, get closely involved with teachers, peers, coaches, administrators, etc., and even risk embarassment themselves just to help their kids succeed by remaining responsible.
I don't know what I'll do when we get to that stage. My five-year-old son already tells me "Mom, that's embarassing!" when I kiss him as he goes to pre-school, so perhaps by middle school he'll be so used to the embarassment that it won't even be effective!
My daughter ended the year fine...she brought all her grades back up to A's before report card time. It just seems we have to ride a roller-coaster at times to get there. It all comes down to me staying on top of what is going on by checking in on-line periodically. When I am reminding her, she does fine, and I just want her to get to the point that she does it on her own, simply because she should. I agree with twoathome, though, in that I think kids this age just want to know someone cares enough to keep track of them, and sometimes they just push it to be reassured.
What do you think of the on-line gradebooks? I'll be honest that, as a teacher, when they first came out, I thought I would HATE them -- a little control issue, I guess, with "everyone" being able to "see" into the gradebook, question the scores, keep track of JUST how quickly I could grade those 180 ten-page research papers! In the end, though, I think they are the BEST thing to come along in education since the advent of chalk! I did get more phone calls and more parent involvement (which I openly admit was not ALWAYS fun . . .) but I also got kids who were so much more tuned in to their own progress and much better self-advocates because they could keep track of their own grades and the way just ONE missing assignment can really do a number on the grade percentages.
I'm curious, from the parental side of things, what do you think? My son is too young for this yet, so I'm wondering if I will think they are as great when he's in middle school . . .
I LOVE them! I wasn't sure it would be that big of deal to me, either, since I had never really had reason to be concerned about any of my kids' school work, but it has really been great for me, and for Megan. Like you mentioned, she keeps track, too, and can see what a difference it makes when she misses an assignment, or even turns one in late. I love being able to just check in and see how it is going, because as much as I ask, I don't always get a lot of information. I can absolutely see the side of the teacher, and have often thought about what a pain that must be for the teachers somedays. Once, Megan's grade was showing as a "D" because a grade for a large project was showing as a "0" and I did a double-take until Megan told me that the teacher had told them all in class not to panic over their grades online because she had just begun to grade, and entered some grades, but didn't get a chance to finish. I can imagine that even with the forewarning, she probably still received some phone calls.:) Anyway, all that to say that I do love them, as I'm sure you will, too, once your little geniuses get to middle school!
I like the online school sites. Unfortunately, my sister/nephew have to follow thru.
The embarrassment tactic worked in the younger grades & I say do WHATEVER it takes. If that doesn't work, try something else.
She is getting the attitude that it's his responsibility & his choice. I've tried to point out 'if you don't finish your job @work, do you think your boss will keep you around for very long?' & this seemed to fall on deaf ears, too.
Our mom died this winter & I don't want to rock the boat it's almost to the point that's what needs to happen.
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My middle school son just doesn't care about school this year. I'm so frustrated. He thinks all his teachers are stupid, doesn't want to hand in his work. Recently he started the track season, which usually peaks his interest, but is ineligible this week because of missing school work that hasn't been handed in. I ask him on a daily basis, what homework he has for the evening, and its always the same answer, nothing mom - I did it at school. Well apparently not. I've tried checking his agenda and he doesn't write things down, or does have the agenda listing completed. He's not into drugs, alcohol, smoking, any of that stuff - he detests kids that do this so I know it isn't this. He's got the ability, because he was always a b-honor roll student before middle school. His older brother had some of these same things going on in middle school, but always was eligible - meaning he was passing all (only allowed to not pass one class) - not that sports is the reason for my concern, just giving the one thing I know motivates him.
Anybody run into this situation? If so, what did you do for them.